You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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