You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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