My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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