Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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