Apparently you make a good broom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
