i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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