There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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