My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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