**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
