i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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