I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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