Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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