Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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