When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His hands were made for my vagina.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
