I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
