90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
