so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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