your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
