When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
