Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
