Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
