I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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