Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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