the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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