if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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