The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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