So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
