I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
