I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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