thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
