I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
