Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is my gift to your gina
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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