Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
