I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
