There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
