you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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