All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
