Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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