Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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