I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
