she woke up with a sticky ear
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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