i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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