Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
