i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
