im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
