Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
