I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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