Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
