You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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