Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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