he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
