I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
