I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dicks are not precious.
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