Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
