cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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