I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
