Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
