areolas are like halos for boobs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
