So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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