if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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