I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
