I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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