I'm going to jail i love you
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
