How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
