he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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