How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
