How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
