I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
