he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
