Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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