How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
