the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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