So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
