Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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