then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
