if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
