I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
