i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We left the knife in your bed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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