My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
