Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
