remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
