Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
