You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
