Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't put those talents on a resume
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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