By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I still have a little drunk in my system
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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